As I venture into adulthood, externally and internally, I’ve become almost obsessed with introspection. What the hell is happening in my mind? Where are these thoughts coming from? Am I thinking or speaking from a point of bias or privilege? Who am I helping or hurting?
I am constantly putting myself in check and it’s working wonders for me. How? The more I question my motives and intentions, the less I have to say.
Though it hasn’t happened yet, I dread the day my know-it-all self lands me an embarrassing situation where I’m forced to shut up or face the thunder. I was never a loud mouth but I have always been somewhat of a know-it-all and even I am annoyed with myself sometimes. I definitely know I get it from my daddy who is the King of the Know-It-Alls and whom I admired for always being a source of “facts” (I didn’t do much fact-checking back in the day so I ate up everything he said) and valuable information whenever I had a question. And y’all… When I say Google is my BEST FRIEND please believe me. I look up not one or two things a day but damn near everything I think of or come across in reading… If ever I was to find myself caught up in a murderous scandal, my Google search history would be all the evidence needed to toss my ass in jail.
However, putting myself in check has allowed me to do some back pedaling. But let me tell you, it is HARD to tell yourself that you may even be wrong or need to chill. I’m hoping my 23rd year grants me a little softness and “let it go”.
Still working on it.
When last have you put yourself in check?